


(route) obscure

by orphan_account



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Slow Burn, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:07:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21726508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Something about this night, out of all the others, made it separate from the rest, an obscure, blurred line had been crossed – Taeil didn’t even know which.Taeil wishes Donghyuck would stop looking for him whenever he needs him, however he wants.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Moon Taeil
Comments: 5
Kudos: 61





	(route) obscure

**Author's Note:**

> This is being posted and I'm promising myself I am not allowed to delete this.
> 
> I was planning on posting a political Johnyong fic, but I got too attached and it's not something I want to post until its either nearly or all done. But this Hyuckil has been stuck in my head for so long and I just want to post it so I can stop listening to Back 2 U (AM 01:27) on repeat and crying over Taeil's vocals. 
> 
> This is my first time posting something and contributing to this amazing community, and I'm not expecting much, but I hope those of you who do read it genuinely enjoy it. This is not a thoroughly thought out story nor is the plot completely determined, so I am kind of excited to just splurge emotions.
> 
> Chapter title from Fly Away With Me by NCT127

Regardless of the calculated frequency of Donghyuck’s calls, Taeil awakens confused each time. He’s barely fallen asleep, wavering between semi-consciousness and restless slumber, when the shrill sound of his ringtone cuts through the silence. The phone noise and bright light die twice while Taeil moves from being curled up in the corner of the bed, but the sluggish haze is yet to dissipate, and it doesn’t dawn what the insistent calls imply until he looks directly at the harsh light of his phone. 

Leaving the office had been a struggle today, he’d been practically forced out by Doyoung, and falling asleep has always been a struggle. Taeil doesn’t think he’ll be able to get any sleep more than what he achieves each night, because he knows he’ll always be waiting for Donghyuck to call, even if one day he finally listens to Taeil’s pleas and stops. It’s his way of knowing that Donghyuck is safe, alive, hasn’t been consumed by the alcohol or drugs and, Taeil doesn’t even want to imagine, the type of men he surrounds himself with. Each time, he convinces himself he’s answering for the last time, that he’s not going back; and each time his carefully placed boundaries are tactfully violated by Donghyuck. 

When he’d last seen Donghyuck, Taeil had asked for it to be their final encounter, had said he couldn’t do it anymore. And he couldn’t, because with each time the younger bares his eyes, swarming with the multitude of emotions that he wants Taeil to see; be it suffocating adoration or lust so scathing Taeil is left with lasting burns; Donghyuck leaves a mark Taeil isn't able to erase. When he’d last talked to Donghyuck before that, Taeil had asked for that to be their final. 

And god, it was so stupid -Taeil wasn’t young or stupid anymore, he would be thirty this year, and he had many men (and woman) who would be more than willing to pursue a relationship with him. So why couldn’t let Donghyuck go? Donghyuck, who’d been a temporary part of his life, who he’d met at his little brother’s party, was now so buried into every part of Taeil and more permanent than anyone and anything else, was calling him. And, predictably, Taeil answered. 

One AM was deliberate, he knew Taeil was particularly susceptible to succumbing. Taeil already knew he would. Donghyuck would be in this room in no more than an hour, he was already preparing for the flood of the younger's presence everywhere all at once. More embarrassing than that, Taeil felt his heart race at the thought of being within his vicinity, the feeling of anticipation heightening, excitement building (a rush of youth that Donghyuck never fails to restore within Taeil). 

When he raises the phone to his ears, hand shaky, he can already hear the pounding background noise, and Hyuck’s voice, although there, is muffled and unintelligible. Despite being unable to understand a word, Taeil feels the blood begin to warm and the affection he yearned to dispose of rear its head. 

‘You’ll have to speak louder than that since you’ve decided whatever you need to say is more important than my sleep.’ He tries, Taeil really does, but his voice cracks anyway. Donghyuck just has that effect, and no matter how authoritative Taeil was elsewhere, it just didn’t apply to Donghyuck – Taeil thought that Donghyuck might as well be the governing body over the crumbling state Taeil resided in. 

‘Hyung,’ the voice comes through the speaker saccharine, sickly sweet and drowned by a steady throb of music, pulling at the strings of Taeil’s heart. ‘You picked up, you decided that hearing whatever I need to say is more important tha-’ 

‘For your benefit, say what you want now because I will hang up.’ Taeil doesn’t know if he can bear hearing that tone. Feels as if he will drown in its beguiling depths, and he will, but he doesn’t want it to be that easy. 

Donghyuck, surprisingly, doesn’t put up a fight. Taeil expected to be riled up, mind left puzzled and mushy after the younger’s careful ministrations (Taeil expected to be pulled apart slowly by whatever type convoluted intricacies Donghyuck had prepared this time). Taeil, still fuzzy from sleep, was ready to delve in the pool of viscid sentiment, in the fervour of nostalgia and treasured memory that Donghyuck had filled to the brim, overflowing leisurely. Something about this night, out of all the others, made it separate from the rest, an obscure, blurred line had been crossed – Taeil didn’t even know which (wasn’t sure if he was even ready to know) but he could tell, in both Donghyuck’s next words and the broken bravado in his voice, that tonight would not be the same as the rest. 

‘Let me come over, Hyung. I’ve done something and I don’t-, I’m not sure I want to be anywhere else but with you right now.’ There was no rejection waiting on the other end of the line, there never had been, but Donghyuck seems prepared for it tonight, is hesitant wary of Taeil's reply. 

Taeil panics for a moment and wonders what he could have done wrong for things to have changed so drastically. Then he remembers that if anything was damaged further in this relationship, he was not at fault. From Taeil's perspective, this is just another ploy put in place by Donghyuck, and almost relieved, Taeil only hangs up the call. He hasn't had a visit from Donghyuck, where he was ready and willing despite acting averse as usual, and this time he is prepared to take from this what he wants. The younger can think he has Taeil wrapped around his finger (Taeil knows he does) but Taeil has strands of his own rigmarole he wants to spin. 

\--------------------- -------------------------- 

As expected, Donghyuck shows up within the hour, a gentle but firm knock signalling his arrival. Taeil, showered and lax after coaxing himself from his earlier drowsy state, is sat waiting on the soft velvet of his couch. He wonders how his guest will react to the change in ambience, the apartment, usually cold and disordered, is spotless and dowsed in the scent and faint, fluttering lights of candles Taeil had found at the back of his wardrobe. The flickers of light catch against Taeil's exposed skin, soft and milky, his oversized shirt covers little and it's obvious that this time he's prepared himself for more than a lazy make-out after their scheduled argument. He's aware that Donghyuck will be surprised, glad even, perhaps now that he won't have to use his energy tempting the other. 

When he opens the door, it's the usual sight of Donghyuck in a leather jacket, tight ripped jeans, but the signature arrogant smirk is absent. The younger takes a few seconds to maintain eye contact, and it makes Taeil uncomfortable, wary, he's more exposed than he's familiar with already, but he feels like more layers are being removed with each second Donghyuck’s gaze lingers. It feels almost disobedient to meet his stare, so Taeil looks down and regrets it immediately. 

Donghyuck is stood there, in his doorway, young and handsome, with piercing eyes, sculpted features, and molten gold skin, and Taeil feels a thousand thing in a split second. He's filled with a tenderness he can't (and doesn't want to) express, but he's confused and discouraged because he registers that while Donghyuck looks as captivating as ever, there is a lingering hesitation. He should already have pushed his way through the door and past Taeil, making disparaging comments as he goes. But right now, Taeil is certain he has stood under Donghyuck's gaze for a few minutes at the very least. 

He shifts uneasily before he decides that he would rather not further deter himself by overthinking or stand in his doorway where his neighbours may decide to step out and witness him in this state of undress. 

'Donghyuck-ah, is it not best we take this inside? I'd rather you tell me what you have to inside.' 

The youngers lips form a tight line before he steps forward, right into Taeil, pushing the older inside with his body and reaching back to close the door after them. It's a blur for Taeil from there, he feels Donghyuck's lips meet his with bruising contact. They don't move from just beyond the closed door, and Donghyuck uses his hands to pull Taeil against him, digging his fingers into the curve of his backbone and scrunching the shirt in his grip. The kiss is not intense, nor is it rushed and messy like Taeil was expecting; instead Donghyuck takes his time moving his lips, soft and plump, against his own, he manoeuvres both their heads so that they can breathe against each other without pulling away and the rough contact of Donghyuck's jeans against his bare legs causes Taeil to shift around. The former tenses with the movement, moving one hand up to the back of Taeil's neck and holding him steady while the other digs in harder. 

Taeil isn't aware of anything but the feel of Donghyuck all over him, his scent suffusing around him, causing him to sigh in content from the moment. It doesn't matter that he can't have Donghyuck permanently, that he feels like he's robbing him from his family and of his youth, at this moment, and every other time they kiss, Taeil's worries melt away, drowned by the almost cloying yearning for Donghuck. His strong hold and the vigorous reciprocation dunk Taeil under a spell of infatuation. 

It's Donghyuck who begins to pull away first, resting his head against Taeil's forehead and looking down, not meeting Taeil's gaze. He's still holding the older as tight as possible, they're still wound together in the space of the entrance. It's subtle, but Taeil feels a sense of panic simmering in the way Donghyuck's fingers twitch against him, the way his breathing doesn't slow even as Taeil's evens out. 

'Hyung, did you dress up for me? I wish you'd done it on a different occasion, Hyung,' Donghyuck's voice, a honeyed melody of sorts, is distorted now, almost croaky. He lets out a dry chuckle before continuing, Taeil is already beginning to remove himself from the embrace warily. 'I did something, I'm not sure, Hyung, if after I tell you you'd still want what you prepared for.' 

It's not a statement he wants to hear right now, Taeil is so drained and worn out from years of Donghyuck's manipulations; tonight he just wants to feel what keeps him around in its full intensity, he wants Donghyuck to fuck him and leave like the immoral brat he always is. And now, he's angry that Donghyuck has yet again ruined his plans, is yet again creating his prepared outcomes from this encounter. 

'What I want and don't want doesn't depend on what you do elsewhere, and if you were half the decent person you're pretending to be, you wouldn't have done anything to hurt me more than you already do. I don't even want to hear it,' He isn't used to saying what he wants to next, and Taeil is sure uncertainty is clear in his tone, 'I want you to fuck me, as you came here for, and then I want you to leave, as you planned on doing.' 

'I don't think- I'm not being clear enough Hyung, I've messed up for real this time.' Taeil doesn't want to know or to add to the complex list of reasons they can't be together, but Donghyuck has never been so passive and yielding. His voice is barely above a whisper, and Taeil thinks back to how uncharacteristically gentle and innocent their kiss was. It leaves un unsettling feeling in his gut, and his curiosity must show on his face because Donghyuck averts his gaze to somewhere behind Taeil. 

'I- what am I supposed to do Hyuck-ah? Every time you call it's a different need, this time, I just want you to be how it always has been.' 

'I'm sorry, I'm not- It's not a mind-game or whatever you think it is, I need you right now, Hyung, to tell me that you'll pick up the phone next time too. Even after this.' 

'After what? What could be so bad Donghyuck, that you need my reassurance?' 

'Hyung, I-,' The pause Donghyuck takes allows Taeil to brace himself for whatever stupid mistake the younger thinks he's made that will drive Taeil away, but no amount of time would have prepared him for the next words, and Donghyuck was right, even Taeil, himself, didn't know if he would pick up, next time, or any time after that. 

'I told my father I wanted out, I'm not going to marry anyone or inherit anything, Hyung.'

**Author's Note:**

> This is neither edited nor is it my final draft, but I'm planning on editing after I'm a few chapters in,,, also, I'm aware this may be confusing but the second chapter will explain the dynamics between the two and not just start in the middle of a mess. I was going to include it in with this post, but it just wouldn't work out.
> 
> anyways enough of my stupid ranting!! find me on twt @mellowyongie


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